Weirdness

A professor told me yesterday she'll be interested to see how the 'strangeness' of my work comes across in this project.
My first instinct was "well crap... it won't. They'll just be boring, pretty, Pre-Raphealite paintings. This project is trash."

That's horrible, yes? Don't think that. This project is still just beginning. This project has some interesting ideas going for it. But they're subtle, they're going to be hard to pull of.

I want to be a better painter. I don't know if I'll ever be that strong conceptually, but I know I can improve my technique. Then again maybe I don't know. I don't know if I want to go to grad school or become an exhibiting artist or do my paintings at home in private, away from criticism, or run away and sell wooden axes at fairs across the country or go work at Disney World or get a full-time job with Broward County or become a teacher or just disappear.

I love this project. At night before I fall asleep my brain goes to my studio and I look around and pick things up and turn them over gently and think about what they're going to become and how lucky I am to be in their lives and maybe even vice versa.

I know it's important to me. And if I can figure out why-- I'll be able to convince other people.